The van trundled along down the road. Well, perhaps 'trundled' wasn't quite the correct term. It advanced at an urgent pace. Yes, that sounded more like the official communications usually did. A speeding white van weaving lightly around traffic down a major thoroughfare. What was new or interesting about that? There were likely tens of thousands of these same vans, identical in every way, doing this same performance in every city around the world. What could attract attention about the most innocuous vehicle on the road? Unlike almost all of the other white vans making their way about the city, this one had a few small differences. 

The first was that the rear cargo compartment contained no cargo, tools, equipment, or other construction or worksite paraphernalia. Rather, this cargo compartment contained four jump seats, not unlike those found in a parachuting aircraft. The second difference was that unlike in most cargo vans, where there are racks set up and protective cages so that equipment won’t fly around and possibly strike the driver, the protective material used in this cargo area was designed to protect occupants from shrapnel and explosives. This appeared to be a normal white cargo van. This was not a normal white cargo van.

The driver’s side, rearmost person looked around the cramped interior. This was the first time they had been sitting in one of these vans for anything other than training. The speed of their racing heart was something they were sure they wouldn’t be feeling. How could they still be so nervous after months of training, selection, and more training for this exact moment? Nonetheless, they were nervous. Looking at the other three members of the team, the nerves that were wracking them seemed to be nonexistent to the others. Perhaps it was because this team had been working together for so many years before they had joined them. Perhaps the other team members just didn’t feel nervous. Who could know the answer, and they certainly weren’t going to break the silence.

The three team members sitting calmly could all feel the nervous tension radiating from their newest colleague. They could have felt enmity towards this person. After all, they replaced a long-time friend and colleague. But they only felt a small amount of compassion for them, each remembering their first real ride in the van. Yet none of them spoke up to alleviate the nerves. No one ever had for any of them, so they would treat this similarly. Instead, each sat still, waiting for the notice that they were approaching their destination. Time seemed to drag on, but they remained as still as possible, knowing they would need all of the adrenaline coursing through their veins.

Suddenly, from the driver they all heard the call: “Sixty seconds.” As if it had been rehearsed, for it had been hundreds of times, the experienced three team members began their personal equipment check. The fourth member was only a second behind their team but seemed rushed. It was almost as if they had been broken out of a stupor. In less than ten seconds, they were all assured that they were ready. The third original member of the team, sitting opposite the new one, finally looked at them. They were all wearing masks covering their faces. Everyone’s eyes though, were revealed to the world. With a quick pat on the new person’s knee, the old member almost looked away before deciding to say something.

“You’re good. Take a breath. Your first time only happens once,” they commented, before returning to look at their feet. The old member didn’t know why they had spoken up since no one else ever had. It felt right though, to provide the comfort that they had never been given. The new person stared at the top of the advice giver’s bent head, hoping they might say something else, but nothing came. It would seem insane to believe that somehow in the back of a van, with the tires hitting every known pothole in the road, that it could be silent. The ever expanding and deafening silence was better now that a teammate had spoken.

Sixty seconds seems like no time at all when so much is happening, but in moments of extreme stress and adrenaline, sixty seconds drags on into eternity. The full equipment check took less than ten seconds each, the words of encouragement took five. That left so much time for the new member to think on what their first time would truly look like, feel like, and be like. They had spent so many years in training, learning skills, gaining knowledge and leadership abilities. Those years were spent before selection to join this team. There were only three teams like this one. All of them only four people, consolidated from thousands of applicants.

A quick glance at their watch revealed it had only been thirty seconds since the first callout. How was it possible to remain calm and collected for so long? How many times had the rest of the team been on calls similar to this one? Was this just a routine thing for them all? So many questions swirled around the new member’s head that it was almost impossible to keep the panic from rising into their throat. They were sure they would vomit. No one ever spoke about someone vomiting on any mission, but this time they would surely become the pariah. The one that had spewed before the mission even truly began. They would never get a new mission. They would be kicked off the team and all of the training and hard work would be for nothing. The panic was rising. Anyone who could see the team members sitting in the van would have seen three calm and collected people sitting near to a person that was clearly fidgety and flighty.

“Go,” was the order from the driver as the brakes were hit hard. In an instant the van was forced to a dead stop. The two seated rearmost reached out and pulled the handles on the swinging doors. With little effort, they forced the two doors to swing wide. The leaped out as quickly as they could, rifles pulled tightly to their shoulders and scanned the area. The briefing they had heard was short. They knew there was no one waiting for them outside, but their training reflexes were too strong to overcome that knowledge. The newest member breathed a quick sigh of relief as this continued to be the same as all of their training up to this point.

The remaining team members also leaped out the back of the van and performed their own scans of the area. Nothing had changed in the two seconds since the new member’s boots had hit the ground, but they were still unsure. A pat on the left shoulder from number one let them know to rotate around the van and proceed towards the building. As they rushed towards the doors, the words echoed in the new member’s head. Your first time only happens once.